It’s the beginning of the year, first recess. A bunch of the more social youngsters in my grade are congregating a certain spot. Curious, bored of my own play and perhaps more than a little jealous, I put my toy truck back in my bag and make my way over to where they are. We are playing “House,” and they are all deciding who will fulfill which role. Of course, the MOST MOST popular girl and boy get to be Mom and Dad. Then there’s children, uncle, aunt, grandma etc. Events pass much as they do during Kickball, and I’m last picked. I ask what’s left for me to be.
They all smirk, and I imagine shift their eyes around mischievously. Mum ‘n dad, as the de facto leaders, whisper to each other, and then proudly announce:
“Pet. Cat.”
Never had more momentous words been spoken. Never had two words, in the history of this playground or any other – signified more, or worse.
“What?”
“You. Get to be. Our cat! Sit.“
Sit.
Now, although the concept of self-respect or preservation of one’s reputation were not yet solidified in my mind at that time, it must have taken an act of great humility to accept the position with grace and aplomb.
And so, for the entirety of the school year, I served as Family’s Pet Cat. But I’d not let my time in social purgatory go to waste. I shunned not my duties; every day -any day- that Mom and Dad convened the Family, Pet Cat needed not be called upon twice.
I waited. I was always waiting. Always watching.
My dalit-like state served to fuel a righteous fire within me. I subjugated myself to them, and in return I learned their ways. I earned their trust and eventually their respect. For one year, I was Pet Cat.
On the first day of school next year, my purgatory comes to an end. I wait eagerly, hardly able to constrain myself throughout my early classes. So close, and still so far. I’m going through the motions, but my mind is elsewhere. My days as Pet Cat are over, my deliverance is near. I can likewise sense the anticipation of my fellow Family members. Throats dry, eyes darting, legs thumping and feet tapping; our endocrine systems are in overdrive like a condemned man awaiting death or release.
It seems both an eternity and an instant. The bell rings, we’re released for recess. For all our anticipation, we move calmly. Trying to appear nonchalant, but we can all sense it – we’re drawn to the Spot. We congregate, and the trials begin. The moment I’ve been waiting for. Hands are raised, names are called. My heart skips a beat when it’s mine, but my teeth sink deeper into my lower lip when it’s not. I can hardly take the suspense.
The girl from last year is once again elected Mom. A funny kid who looks like a monkey is Uncle. There’s no grandma this year. The plebeians argue amongst themselves over who gets to be children. Let them bicker, it’s not the position which matters. Finally! The moment of truth.
One position left. The only position that matters, the position which has occupied my mind since those foul lips first formed the words Pet Cat one year ago. Thats Three hundred Sixty five days. Eight thousand seven hundred sixty hours. Five-hundred twenty five thousand minutes. And more seconds than I care to count.
My salvation.
The position of Dad. The King of the Kids, Count of the Courtyard, the Scion of the Swingset, the Monarch of the Monkeybars! If elected, my reign would know no bounds and mine would be a name forever imprinted up on the minds of this elementary school, as fundamental and as much a part of this institution as the very ground it was built upon!
The decision is made.
My redemption.
My lips turn upward in a crooked smile, with my mouth’s corners showing no intention of stopping. Their ascent reflects my own ascent to power, and by whichever arcane, doubtless arbitrary -yet seemingly divinely inspired- system was used to elect the Dad… the responsibility, the glory, the honor – has fallen to me.
I take my first steps to the center of the circle. “Mom” takes smaller, meeker -yet still regal- steps to bask besides me.
… And my revenge.
And, with the attention of every kid who mattered on the playground, the kids with whom stopped the lunch money, every kid who ever pulled a wedgie or kept dark secrets of what unspeakable tortures were performed in the boys bathroom, who broke toys and made pretty teachers cry – and for every innocent person they ever acted against, I took my first words as king.
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species.
27 heartbeats. That’s how long I waited before speaking. By god, it must’ve been twice that for anyone listening. But finally, I spoke. I spoke the first, and last words I would ever speak in the Family’s presence since the day I was inaugurated Pet Cat.
I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I’d never see.
“The Family is Over.”
Dead. Silence. Never had a more perfect example been seen. I had no need to explain myself, but one final nail in the coffin is no insult to the dead.
“Dad. Doesn’t. Love you.”
I felt like destroying something beautiful.
FIN
Okay, so I was gonna finish this by posting some quasi-yaoi catboy spam, being all “TEACH YOU TO VISIT *MY* BLOG” I mean, unless one was into that sort of thing, in which case it wouldn’t be much by the way of punishment anyway. Maybe by way of embarrassment, but w/e. I’ve decided to be a good person and leave it at that.
JK LOL
Take care, all.